
- Do not nag. If you are trying to persuade your parents to talk about completing an estate plan, the last thing you want is to make the process and yourself an annoyance. Instead of engaging in a productive conversation, you may inadvertently create an atmosphere where your parents start avoiding you or become suspicious of your motives. If your parents hesitate to have these conversations, explore ways to bring up the topic without leaving them with their guards up.
- Be open and honest about your concerns. Being truthful about your worries is a significant challenge when discussing what will happen to your parents when they die or if they lose the ability to make decisions for themselves. Every family is imperfect, and oftentimes, areas of concern indicate delicate family situations. To facilitate the best conversations about estate planning and to achieve effective planning for your parents and their legacy, you must address the awkward family issues. You must ask the difficult questions now, when your parents are available to provide their insights.
- Ask your parents what their wishes are. Find out what your parents want and hope for with regard to estate planning. Do not make assumptions. Be direct and ask them what their ideal situation is. What they say may surprise you. Even if you have had no previous conversations of this nature with them, that does not mean they lack a clear idea of how they see things occurring in the future. The problem is that they may not have the plans in place to realize their vision. Asking them about what they want brings them one step closer to making their vision a reality.
- Discuss the planning already in place. In many cases, parents do some estate planning when they start their family and never update it. Therefore, your parents may have some documents about what should happen if they can no longer make decisions for themselves or if they die, but the documents are no longer relevant because they do not address the changes that have occurred in the family over time. As a result, asking them about what they have done in the past is a critical component of having an effective conversation with your parents. Specifically, ask your parents if they have any of the following documents—and if they do, the documents should be reviewed
- past wills
- past trust documents
- powers of attorney
- HIPAA authorization forms
- insurance policy and retirement plan beneficiary designations
- Include benefits to their children and grandchildren. Finally, addressing how your parents will build their legacy through their children (you and your siblings) and grandchildren is critical. A common sentiment among grandparents is that grandchildren are their reward for not letting their children drive them crazy, so they often have a significant desire to provide special allocations for their grandchildren. The form and method require serious consideration, given the unique dynamics between children and grandchildren. Explore how your parents want their money and property distributed and whether your childless siblings will receive less. Again, navigating this area requires great tact and wisdom.